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A few of the things that would have given me a smoother transition into the caregiver role for my parents would have been a more gradual relinquishing of their medical, physical and household responsibilities. Dad’s hip fracture (unfortunately) was the incident that set in motion their immediate and full dependence on me. I have a brother, but he has created only more work for me. I know most elderly folks living independently don’t feel the urgency to begin relinquishing financial control when they can still seem to manage it all, but I do think when we are in our 70′s that it is time to have all of those pieces of the puzzle completely in order, so that the transition is smooth and easy for our children. Maybe not easy breezy, but at least not a major headache! For starters, downsize to no more than three or four accounts, get POA’s in order on all accounts, Social Security, Medicare, etc. everything that has money or personal privacy issues must has POA on file or you are out of luck!
I would also be certain that by my 70′s all my important documents are safely tucked away in a safety deposit box: will, financial account records, birth certificate, marriage license, copy of insurance cards and policies, most recent tax statement, passport, funeral papers, etc. Be sure the executor of the will has the extra key or code to this box! Can you share your wisdom, please?
Rebecca Soukakos
/ July 30, 2011Thank you for sharing this great advice. Smart, simple, and so easy if we just take a few moments to do it–and then redo it annually, as somethings important documents will change from what is originally placed in the safe deposit box–especially if you get started early. I’m passing on the link to all my friends as a friendly reminder. Thank you very much.
Jane Komatsu
/ August 13, 2011DO NOT leave important papers in a safety deposit box! If you must do this, have copies of everything in an accessible file in the house. Access to a SDB is often delayed, especially in probate situations. This idea is an old one and should be discarded. If an attorney was used to draw up PoAs, they will be on file with the attorney’s office and thus, name/address of estate attorney should also be known or accessible.
You do not need POAs on all accounts. You need a valid Durable Healthcare PoA, preferably with the 2010 addition of POLST (Physician’s Order for Life Sustaining Treatment) on file or accessible. If the Healthcare PoA was done prior to Jan 2010 you can Google and download the separate 1-pg POLST form to add to your legal docs.
There are two kinds of Financial PoA: immediate and deferred. Most people pick the latter. It is CRUCIAL on all PoAs to list a successor agent and inform them of your personal wishes. Too many people identify one person (such as a spouse) and forget that person may not be able to act as your agent when the time happens.
Many accounts can be titled as POD or TOD accounts (Payable On Death/Transfer On Death). Joint accts should always be titled “with rights of survivorship”.
One thing most people are ignorant of are the costs to settle an estate and bury someone. Under probate you have to be confirmed as Executor before you can be reimbursed, so for 1-2 months all expenses are on your dime until you are approved by the courts. If there is any question about the cause of death, the death certificate can be delayed which further extends the Executor’s financial liability.
Trusts do not solve this, and in fact can make it worse. An executor gets paid for settling an estate; a Trustee DOES NOT. That’s fine if the Trustee is a beneficiary, but what if they aren’t? Unless your RLT specifies the trustee is entitled to request reimbursement, they are out their time and effort as they struggle with the same financial/legal issues that an Executor faces. Expenses get reimbursed, but not their time – and it takes time to settle any estate, unless it’s a very, very small one. I’ve done it, and personally would be happy to never do it again – even on a small estate with no RE property and good financial records, it was a nightmare of confusing legal terms and constant uncertainty.
Many people are penny-wise and pound-foolish, and depend upon templates for setting up an RLT. This is a mistake, unless you’re aware of the legal restrictions that most RLT templates include as standard wording, that can seriously affect the finances of your heirs. These phrases are easy enough to change, but you need to know the WHY of it, and for that you need knowledgeable help that no public discussion or forum can help with. State laws rule on these types of issues, so what works for me in OR or NM won’t be applicable to those living elsewhere.
The hardest thing is, as you have found out, to do these things NOW, not later. Every adult should have at the very least the Healthcare PoA filled out, and a simple will as well. A quick Google will tell you how to make a will valid in your state of residence; some require notarization and some don’t.
sherry picker
/ August 25, 2011You are so right– Blog post at: http://www.bocahomecareservices.com
12 Things to Know About Your Aging Mom and Dad
True, we don’t like to ask, but in an emergency YOU need to know and for planning purposes YOU need to know also. Discuss first with your siblings and then set a time to meet with your parents and explain to them that it is difficult for you to ask but you believe it is very important to at least have basic contact information in the event of an accident or illness when suddenly that information becomes vital in helping them. Once this is done, names and numbers, both you and your elderly loved ones will likely feel some relief in knowing that you are prepared should/when the need arises.
Who are your primary doctor and specialist?
Who is your lawyer or attorney?
Who is your accountant or financial advisor?
Which pharmacy do you use? Location?
Who is your POA – Power of Attorney?
Who is your medical surrogate?
Where do you bank?
Where do they keep their personal records?
Do they have Long Term Care Insurance? Who is their Secondary policy with?
What are their choices or preferences for the future?
If they are willing or you are really brave…
What are your monthly expenses and income?
Should your situation change dramatically due to loss or illness, what is your wish with regard to living arrangements?