Month: October, 2011

welcome to girlfriends with aging parents

watch sodium levels

I am a married empty nester. My parents are in their mid-80’s, living in a nearby retirement home. A few weeks ago, I received an agitated, early morning, call from my father that my mother was in agony, shaking and very confused. I rushed over to their apartment to find my mom shaking so hard that she couldn’t hold a drinking glass and complaining that she needed to urinate every ten minutes. We rushed her to the emergency room, where, after several tests, they found her sodium level to be dangerously low – almost at convulsion level. It took 9 days of hospitalization to bring it up to low normal levels, with rises and dips almost every day along the way. The cause could have been one of several things: her new anti-depressant is venlafaxine, which in rare cases can cause sodium loss; she and my father are careful to eat salt-free or low-salt foods as they have read many articles on the bad effects of salt on the elderly. My mom consumes very little salt; she is not much of a liquid drinker and dehydration could have played a role (coffee is not a hydrater!). I share this because I was told that dangerously low sodium (hyponatremia) can be fatal if not caught. Watch for headaches, confusion, weakness and/or tiredness. Your input?

 

Share

Related Posts

No Responses

dealing with distance

across countriesOur lives today can make caring for aging parents so much more complicated. My elderly mother passed away a few years ago, after a 20 year struggle with Rheumatoid Arthritis. She lived on a small island 4,500 miles away from Seattle and was determined to end her days there, even though both my brother and myself live in other countries. The trip from Seattle to see my mother took 28 hours door to door and included a 9 hour time difference. This made it impossible to visit as often as I would have liked, since I still had teenagers at home. The huge distance between us, in her final months was, by far, the hardest and most heart-wrenching part. Even though we had lived in different countries for decades, I felt a deep physical need to be close by when she needed me and phone calls and emails just weren’t enough. Fortunately, I was able to be with her to say goodbye in her final days. The thing I have learned is that I know when I am older, I’ll be sure to live closer to my children for their sakes and mine. I have decided that this will happen even if it means moving from a place that I love.

 

Share

Related Posts

2 Responses

stop & smell the roses

Stop & smell the roses, whatever that means to you. For me….today it means to hug my son & tell my husband how much I deeply treasure him. Whatever it means to you please share & tell!
Read the full article »

Share

Related Posts

No Responses

Dad moved in

My mom passed away a month ago. Four months prior,we moved her into a board and care home. Now dad,84 years old, moved in with me and my husband. He has his own bedroom and bath and brought his little dog, Buddy. I am getting to know my father all over again….because during my growing up years he worked nights and I hardly ever saw him. I am enjoying cooking for him, helping him with medication and doctor’s visits, and planning his days so he doesn’t feel the depression from losing mom after 63 years of marriage. I feel blessed to have this time with him and I am lucky my husband (second marriage) is so accepting and accommodating.   –

Share

Related Posts

No Responses

new life stage gives “moments of meaning”

making momentsLet me suggest that we now have created a new life stage: that of Care-giver. For centuries we have had people who took care of others; friends, parents, children, etc. However, given the explosion of longevity that has come about at the same time as rapid advances in medical technology and you have a recipe for what so many of us are doing. We live in the age of the long term care-giver. This new life stage comes with a variety of issues; many perceived as negative (stress, re-adjusment of schedules, financial issues and the like), while some may be unintended positive consequences.

I speak of opportunities for our generation to reconcile previous parent-child issues, to see in those quiet moments of care a re-evaluation of relationships and, perhaps, an appreciation for what our loved one’s life really has meant. There is a spiritual quid-pro-quo it seems, that often takes place within a family dynamic. Perhpas it arises in a quiet moment when you are helping a parent in and out of a car and you come to realize that this once strong and proud mom or dad is now frail and depending on you, a dependancy that often goes unexpressed. At those moments, often unexpected by the way, a sense of quiet evolves. There is a moment when you realize that this natural order of things is meant to be and that maybe, these moments are actually a gift that will allow a transitioning of the traditional parent-child roles. And yes, these moments are often fleeting and often previous roles re-appear. But, for that briefest of moments, we become aware that the “rules” are changing.

Part of that realization is that, as a result of the care we give, we change as well. Perhaps in ways we never thought would be possible. These new realities, I suggest, are moments of spiritual growth. We can learn from them, not only how to care for others, but, if we are careful, how to care for ourselves. I hope to explore some of these spiritual moments in future columns and invite your response,

Rabbi Richard F. Address, D.MIn

www.jewishsacredaging.com

 

Share

Related Posts

No Responses