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Our lives today can make caring for aging parents so much more complicated. My elderly mother passed away a few years ago, after a 20 year struggle with Rheumatoid Arthritis. She lived on a small island 4,500 miles away from Seattle and was determined to end her days there, even though both my brother and myself live in other countries. The trip from Seattle to see my mother took 28 hours door to door and included a 9 hour time difference. This made it impossible to visit as often as I would have liked, since I still had teenagers at home. The huge distance between us, in her final months was, by far, the hardest and most heart-wrenching part. Even though we had lived in different countries for decades, I felt a deep physical need to be close by when she needed me and phone calls and emails just weren’t enough. Fortunately, I was able to be with her to say goodbye in her final days. The thing I have learned is that I know when I am older, I’ll be sure to live closer to my children for their sakes and mine. I have decided that this will happen even if it means moving from a place that I love.
Yvonne
/ November 16, 2011This made me feel guilty about complaining about my 3 hour time difference and 3000 mile trip required whenever I need/want to visit my Mom! My only observation is that it is important to move sooner/before you think you need to. By the time someone “needs” to be closer, it isn’t always possible to move. The change becomes harder and many practical realities may make it easier to have your loved one stay where they are. Of course, the additional challenge is that a trip that we can easily make in our early middle years may become more and more difficult as we deal with our own health issues. It is so hard to know what is the best thing to do!
Angela
/ March 9, 2012Hi there,
My heart goes out to you! I thought that it was bad being 2500 miles away from my parents. Yesterday, I just returned from a two month stay at my parents to support my mom who fractured her hip on December 29. My father has some cognitive decline and I’m self-employed with only one child at home and a husband who cooks, so the job fell to me. Also, I wanted to be with my mother. Just like you say, it is a yearning to be close that surprises me sometime. The trick is, how to be 2 places at once!
Angela
The Caregiver Chronicles