Month: December, 2011

welcome to girlfriends with aging parents

enlightened perspective

WRITTEN BY ANDY ROONEY


I’ve learned…. That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person. 

I’ve learned…. That when you’re in love, it shows. 

I’ve learned…. That just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.

I’ve learned…. That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I’ve learned ….That being kind is more important than being right.

I’ve learned…. That you should never say no to a gift from a child. 

I’ve learned…. That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in some other way. 

I’ve learned…. That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with. 

I’ve learned…. That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand. 

I’ve learned…. That simple walks wi th my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult. 

I’ve learned…. That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. 

I’ve learned… . That we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for. 

I’ve learned…. That money doesn’t buy class. 

I’ve learned…. That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular. 

I’ ve learned… That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved. 

I’ve learned…. That to ignore the facts does not change the facts. 

I’ve learned…. That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you. 

I’ve learned…. That love, not time, heals all wounds. 

I’ve learned…. That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am. 

I’ve learned…. That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile. 

I’ve learned.. That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I’ve learned… That life is tough, but I’m tougher.

I’ve learned…. That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss. 

I’ve learned…. That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere. 

I’ve learned…. That I wish I could have told my Mom and Dad that I love them one more time before they passed away. 

I’ve learned…. That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them. 

I’ve learned…. That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. 

I’ve learned…. That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you’re hooked for life.

I’ve learned …. That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it. 

I’ve learned…. That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

As the year comes to a close think of those close to you & all that you have to be grateful for! Please share what you have learned.

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’tis the season – rave

In the midst of this holiday season I have come upon others who have inspired & enlightened me. Instead of the usual frantic internal feelings this time of the year causes me, I am in a more serene place. Why? Two things happened.

First, I went to a book signing for Linda Cohn, author of “1,000 Mitzvahs”. Why did she inspire me? Because she chose a project, to do one thousand acts of kindness, to honor her father after he passed away. The discussion at the event was robust. Questions like “what counts?” If you begin an act of kindness & it does not come to fruition, does it count? I began to see how our perspective & daily outlook effects how we feel. These, even simple deeds, can bring personal gain.

The second thing that I feel energized by is a project inicated  by Kaycee Krysty, the former CEO and now “president emerita” of the Seattle wealth management firm, Laird Norton Tyee. Kaycee “believes baby boomers are redefining an age once known as the end of work and productivity. She is challenging her generation to write 65 words on turning 65. I applaud her ambition to create a culture of aging that is life-affirming, satisfying & meaningful.

As we approach the end of the year, I am finding ways to avoid the “doom & gloom” mentality of the past & live in the moment with a more positive outlook. If it is true that “we are our thoughts” then we certainly can contribute to the quality of our day.

Please share your wisdom with us …. this is how we learn …. we all have a story ….

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lighting the lights of the soul

“Tis the season”, so they say. Here it is December & with it the arrival of what we now know as “the holidays”. Kwanzaa, Christmas and Chanukah come calling and with them the promiscuity of merchandising that marks our culture.

In the midst of all the seasonal hype it is easy to loose some of the symbolism of the season. Lights and light form a very powerful part of each of these festivals. No doubt these festivals, at the darkest part of the year, have their origin in some pre-historic pagan need to drive out the darkness. What I want to look at now is the power of light and what it means.

Light stands for many things in religious life: life, hope, faith & also memory. We who are, or have been care-givers, can relate to this in a powerful and personal way. Many of us now are watching the “light” of a loved one slowly fade. It is not easy. It demands great attention and it is filled with the reality of loss.

It is easy, especially at this time of year, to turn into ones self and allow the darkness of that loss or despair overwhelm us. Yet, that is where the lights of the season can speak to a higher reality. Let me suggest that the lights we light at this season are really a part of the light of our loved ones soul. We light these lights and the light they give off help to drive out the darkness of loss. We engage in the power and beauty of memory. It is a memory that may be tinged with some sadness, especially if the person we remember is no longer available to us. But the light of their life and their soul has been part of our own journey. Their light is now within us, and, as long as we remember, that light will remain.

That is also part of what we do as care-givers. We bring the light of our own soul to those to whom we minister. This is, in a very real sense, sacred work; which is why the command to “honor father and mother” is so central to all religious traditions. I hope this message of light finds some resonance to those who are caring for a loved one and may you find, in this season of family, life and memory, the power and strength to continue to bring the light of comfort to those in need.

Shalom,

Rabbi Richard F Address, D.MIn

www.jewishsacredaging.com

 

 

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embracing rituals

It seems as if the “baby boomer generation” has rediscovered the power of ritual. There has been an explosion in recent years of creative rituals that have sought to take new life stages and situations and place them within some type of holy or sacred context. In my research for my work on baby boomer’s spirituality, I have uncovered a variety of instances of these; from congregation wide services that honor the care-giver, to rituals that seek to bring meaning to more private moments and circumstances. Recently a colleague of mine sent me the draft of a ritual that she is submitting for publication in our professional journal.It is a Ritual of Release. She designed this to be used at moments of life transition; significant times when we are tasked with moving from one stage of life to another; often as a result of circumstances not of our choosing.

The ritual is designed to be done by the clergy person and the individual. It may be in public or private. The clergy person opens the ritual by commenting that life extends to us opportunities both for joy and for hurt and we can never really know how we will react until we are in the moment. This is followed by a statement by the individual who reads: “Past events have dictated that my life changed. These changes, while beyond my control, have taught me that I must mourn the loss of my self in some way. At present, I must look within to redefine myself and for the future move forward from these difficulties to embrace a full life. I know this is not an easy task but one that needs to be addressed for my health and well being.”

There follows another reading and a time for personal reflection, words or prayer. Some people who have created similar ceremonies literally enact the moment of transition by burying an item or burning it. In any event, there is some recognition that I am moving from one stage of life to another and gathering my resources for this transition. Transitions are difficult. The ability to have a faith tradition support these moments within the confines of prayer and ceremony can provide a meaningful moment that supports a person’s decisions, no matter how difficult that decision may be. Ritual can do that for us. It can be the bridge that spans moments of life and definitions of self as we change and grow.

Shalom,

Rabbi Richard F Address, D.MIn

www.jewishsacredaging.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

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geriatric medical providers in short supply

As one Baby Boomer to another, I suggest that you take a hard look at this recent article titled “Who’s going to take care of our aging population?”  On January 1, 2011 (just 10 months ago!), the first baby boomer turned 65.  Everyday since then, 10,000+ Baby Boomers reach the age of 65.  That will continue every single day for the next 19 years!  With a decline in geriatrics as a medical specialty, who is going to care for the 77.6 million of us?

A geriatrician is a doctor who specializes in treating the elderly. Today the shortage of these specialists is nationwide. This problem, with those of us 46 to 65 years old will only get worst over the next few decades.

Few doctors are drawn to this field and some are leaving it, as their are among the lowest paid physicians with a medical specialty, according to the article’s author, Matt Sedensky. Please share your comments!

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