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I am crying tears of frustration! I’m exhausted, angry and ashamed of the way I am feeling. My husband gave me a stern lecture yesterday, saying that he felt we weren’t connecting and that he was no longer my prime concern.
For over a year now, I have been caring for my parents. They are in a retirement facility and both their physical and mental health has taken a rapid slide downhill. Little things send them into a tizzy: running out of Metamucil, a new toilet that has a flush that is too noisy, another buffet dinner in the dining room…
Yesterday my father complained of an urgent health problem, so I called his doctor and set up an appointment. The clinic is a 5 minute drive away from where they live. I am a half hour away and work full time, so was unable to come and take them. I suggested a taxi and checked with the clinic to make sure they would call a taxi for my parents to take them home afterwards. They reassured me that it would be taken care of. Turns out they wouldn’t and didn’t. After waiting an hour to see the doctor, when they were done, the receptionist told them they would have to call a taxi themselves and directed them to a phone. With no idea of the phone number for a yellow cab, they wandered around, finally asking the clinic’s parking lot attendant if he could get a cab for them. An hour later, they were still stranded, confused and panicked. Someone finally took pity on them and helped. Thank goodness my mother accompanied my Dad, as his memory is fading, leaving him confused and teary. I hate to think of what would have happened if he were alone.
Am I alone in feeling like a failure on all fronts? So many women must be in the same boat! How does anyone juggle it all, without feeling like you are ultimately letting everyone down?
LuAnn Smith
/ October 7, 2012First of all, you’re not a failure, Secondly, you have nothing to feel ashamed about. The receptionist is the one who should be feeling like a failure and ashamed of herself. Did you call her and let her have it? It takes 5 minutes tops to make that phone call for them. Transportation is such a big challenge at this stage of the game. Since it was urgent and transportation is difficult to arrange, you absolutely did the right thing by trying to use the taxi.
My mother in law is just turning 90 and will probably lose her wheels soon so we are looking at options. There aren’t many…. She’s terribly hard of hearing which makes the taxi difficult because she can’t keep things straight (probably some cognitive issues as well). I’m looking at a retirement community in hopes that they can provide some transportation and the need for transportation will be less. I’m also looking at finding a non-medical home health agency that can provide some assistance. Basically, I’m throwing a hand full of darts at the target and hoping some sticks…
I hope things have settled down a bit and that you’ve found some support. It’s not easy!
LuAnn