Category: financial

welcome to girlfriends with aging parents

a dreaded move to assisted living – help!

When is the time for a parent to move to assisted living? My father passed away four months ago and since then, my mother’s health has steadily deteriorated. Her depression has led her to an almost solitary existence except for the caretakers and my visits. She lives in a retirement home which has limited assisted units available and one has just opened up. It is a studio unit – much smaller than the two bedroom apartment she is living in now.

I know that change can be very difficult for older adults. However, her additional care in independent living is very costly and she is running through her savings at an alarming rate. Assisted living seems to offer better care and includes many of the extras she pays a premium for now.

I hesitate to be the one to make the final decision and desperately want her to “buy in”. She really doesn’t want to make the decision. I am torn between my feeling of responsibility to make sure that my mom is well cared for and my reluctance to become the bad guy – the one who forced her to make a move she really didn’t want to make. How have others dealt with this decision? written by Laurie in Tennessee

 

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life insurance that cheats death?

As I was watching the CNN news headlines appear across my computer screen, this article grabbed my attention. The Personal Finance segment of Bankrate.com newsletter shed light on how “the life insurance industry handles unclaimed death benefits”. Read the article below if you are the beneficiary of an unclaimed policy:  http://www.bankrate.com/financing/insurance/nationwide-caught-cheating-death/?ec_id=cmct_01_comm_PF_image_headline

Share your thoughts!  written by Toby

 

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selfish or self-care? a daughter’s dilemma

I was recently reminded by someone offering some advice on why I was always so exhausted, that I am my parent’s daughter – not their caregiver. I had unconsciously slipped into a role of servitude, running myself ragged between taking them to doctor’s appointments, managing their medications and doing their shopping. Was it that lingering childhood need to prove myself or to assuage some kind of guilt? After much introspection, I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and take action!

My parents are in a retirement home and for an additional $55 a month each, a nurse on the premises will handle the reordering of pills and fill a pill box for each of them weekly, taking over all of the responsibility attached to the nearly 20 different medications they take between the two of them. This enormously time consuming responsibility is now in her hands. I realized that it was one of the best investments that could be made – $110 a month to preserve my sanity, health, marriage and work load. For an extra $30 once a week, I could have someone do their grocery shopping.

The difference? Now I can spend quality time visiting my Dad and Mom. I am much more relaxed, able to enjoy their company and focus on what they are saying. Be kind to yourself and assess who you really want to be. Sometimes help is right in front of you and all you need to do is take advantage of it. Has anyone out there had this problem???

Written by Joyce in Savannah

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holiday madness – family dilemma

Finding a balance over the holidays always seems like a challenge. No matter how many years go by, trying to find a middle line between visits, gifting and holiday meals for “his side” and “her side” sometimes seem to obliterate any feelings of seasonal comfort and joy. His mom is in her mid-80’s, recently widowed and lives in a retirement home in the same city we do. My Mom is in her early 90’s, was widowed over 10 years ago and lives independently in another state. Our grown kids and grandchildren live half way across the country. So who do we spend time with and when, during this month full of family get-togethers? We had his mother over for Thanksgiving and did a phone-in to my Mom, which left me feeling guilty afterwards. We will be with my Mom for Christmas, leaving his mom wishing (very vocally) that the whole family was together. It could be a last holiday season for either or both moms, who are in frail health and unable to fly. Meanwhile, we really would like to see our kids and grandkids, but it is too expensive and far for working parents to fly with little ones. What’s to celebrate? It’s a never ending conundrum and makes one want to hide from November through January! Do you share this issue? Let me know so I feel better, OK? Submitted by Doris in Texas

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when should you take social security?

When your computer home page catches your attention with a fleeting headline, you might stop. I did! Why, because I am just contemplating this very question. CBS Money Watch, Nov. 5th, 2012 article by Allan Roth provides some clarity for those Americans approaching retirement age. From Mike Piper, financial expert, read the three key points he feels one needs to consider when considering when to start drawing Social Security. Are you in that boat with me? What are you thinking?

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ask your financial planner about medicare enrollment

What’s on your calendar for October 15 – December 7, 2012? Halloween & Christmas, sure! Did you remember Medicare Open Enrollment?

Yes, we are now in the annual Open Enrollment period for Medicare. Seniors can switch from Medicare parts A & B (traditional Medicare) to a Medicare Advantage Plan (partC), or go from Medicare Advantage back to a traditional plan. It’s also time to make any changes to the Part D prescription drug plan. Changes will be effective January 1, 2013.

It’s important to make a timely decision. If you’d like more information, I invite you to visit my recent Laird Norton Tyee post here.

Submitted by Susan Talton: a Client Advisor and CFP professional at Norton Laird Tyee, with over 25 years of management experience. Susan enjoys writing about the life transitions that women are very likely to face. She also frequently writes about retirement, a big transition in itself.

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my elderly dad is cared for

I have just moved from New York City to Montreal where my parents and siblings live. I am a 59yo Canadian & have two children 25 & 23yo. It was the perfect time to sell my home & move on. No more border crossings, no more long drives alone.

Now I am living in an apartment in the same building as my sister. I am on the 3rd floor , she is on the 5th. My dad lives in a retirement home 15 minutes away and my mom is still in her condo, 10 minutes from me.

This has been the best decision for my family and me. I feel a GREAT SENSE OF RELIEF being this close to my parents, at this stage of their lives.

For my dad’s & my relationship I am most grateful. I was constantly worried about his health as well as his care. For some time now, with several hospitalizations, I have seen a steady decline in his general well being. Luckily in Canada, the application for & payment of assisted living came without too many complications. His new home is well maintained & I know that his medical needs are being attended to. I could see what a challenge this was all becoming for my mom & her obvious resentment.

The way it is now, I can just drop in & brighten up my dad’s day with a 10-minute, one hour or two hour visit. Whatever we both feel like in that moment is how it works. This is bringing me peace of mind & a sense of joy.

Also, since my dad went to the nursing home, my mom is now living completely alone. I stop by to check in on her & pitch in with her chores. Although she selfishly did not want to be my dad’s caregiver, I think she misses the life they once had.

I am happy to help my three siblings, who have, so far, carried the responsibility of my elderly parents care on their own. I do not feel like this is a burden in any way. I am simply one more pair of hands or another body to be available for whatever comes up. Would love to hear comments from anyone else!

Submitted by Diane in Montreal, Canada

 

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what kind of old age will you have?

Many of us look forward to spending retirement expanding our world — traveling, trying what we never had time to do, taking classes that give us new knowledge and skills. These activities are not only desirable in themselves; they help us to live longer and healthier lives.

But they are not within everyone’s reach. Absent money and a sense of possibilities, retirement can become more time to fill with television. “We see people without money, who had very hard lives, who are not aware of their own potential,” said Maureen Kellen-Taylor, the chief operating officer of EngAGE ,a program in the Los Angeles area that provides arts and other classes for some 5,000 people — the vast majority of them low-income — living in senior apartment communities. “They just had to get through life, taking care of things, and the idea of following a dream was not on their radar screens.”

That’s why the Burbank Senior Artists Colony is remarkable. Opened in 2005, it is a mix of market-rate and low-income apartments. The building looks like an upscale hotel but is built for the arts, with studios, a video editing room, a theater and classrooms. 

Residents may arrive with no previous artistic experience or skill as an artist — but artists they become. The theater group that Sally Connors participates in is working with a troupe in London, via Skype, to write and perform a soap opera. Walter Hurlburt shows his oil paintings — for sale — at the colony’s periodic art exhibitions. Residents work with students from a nearby alternative high school to do Improv Theater, make films and create art from recycled items.

The Burbank colony is the showpiece of EngAGE, an organization started in 1997 by Tim Carpenter. He was working for a health care company that built primary care centers for senior citizens when he met John Huskey, a Los Angeles developer of affordable housing. Carpenter and Huskey began to talk about how to combine what each of them was doing. They had originally contemplated establishing acute-care health centers in senior apartment buildings, but now had a different idea. “We live in a society that’s very acute-care based — we wait till someone’s sick,” Carpenter said. “We decided to try to get people to take on healthy behaviors without having to go to the doctor.”

EngAGE now brings arts training, wellness programs and computer and classes to 27 senior apartment buildings in the Los Angeles area, and will add another eight over the next year, including two — in North Hollywood and Long Beach — that, like Burbank, will be designed for the arts. The NoHo Senior Artists Colony will open in October with a 77-seat professional theater in the lobby. Burbank and the Piedmont Senior Apartments in North Hollywood have a mix of market rate and subsidized apartments, but the other 25 are all for low-income seniors. Most of the residents are living on less than $15,000 a year. They pay $400 to $800 a month for a one- or two-bedroom apartment.

 

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elder law

On October 15, 2010, the Elder Law section of the Washington State Bar Association presented an award to Representative Jeannie Darneille (D) of the 27th District for her work to enact legislation to establish the Office of Public Guardianship.  The mission of the Office is to make guardianship services available to individuals who need them and are alone (without family members or friends to serve as volunteers) and poor (without the means to pay for needed services).  Many of these individuals are elderly and need a surrogate decision maker.  A guardian is appointed by the court to make either personal or financial decisions.

 

If you are a care-giver, you should be aware of The Elder Law section.  It focuses on legal issues that are pertinent to elders – including retirement issues, estate planning, powers of attorney, guardianship and other forms of substitute decision making, to private and long-term care, health care financing and elder abuse.  Go to www.wsba.org for more information or to find an Elder Law attorney through the public resources directory.

 

 

 

 

 

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it is about the money … sometimes!

A recent Wall Street Journal piece (June 11, 2012) chronicled the reality that baby boomers may be facing less than optimal expected inheritance from their parents. Why? It seems, as we all know, our parents are living longer and using up much of that nest egg for their own care. Add to that the reality of the post 2008 economic downturn, which has impacted all of us, and you have a recipe for concern. To add to the “concern”, we also have the reality that many of the “boomer generation” is also heavily engaged in dealing with our own children, many of whom are finding it difficult to find work.

I know some of this first hand. In the 1980′s, I remember sitting with a financial advisor and creating an annuity for my mother which would guarantee her a steady income for years. Funny thing, my mother lived well into her 90′s and outlived her money. I know that many of you share this journey and know the stresses that this can cause. Yes, just at the time when we should be feeling secure in our own financial world, we are more anxious as to how to continue care for a parent, be “there” for our kids and grandchildren while trying to save for and plan for our own transition from full time work.

I have found that taking the time to sit with a financial expert can make a difference. I do not profess to have any expertise in how to manage money. The complexities of the current financial world are so profound that it is a blessing to be able to have someone who can make sense out of all of the possibilities. I have even suggested this to my daughter and son- in- law. In the middle of this financial and familial transition, it is often necessary and prudent to seek the advice of a trusted expert. There is security in having a plan that is tailored to you and your needs. Our lives are so stressed and pressured that any way that we can find to lessen those pressures is a blessing.

Shalom,

Rabbi Richard F. Address, D.Min

www.jewishsacedaging.com

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