Tag: apartment

welcome to girlfriends with aging parents

caregiving: a need for respite

For the past two and a half years I have been a professional caregiver for a company called Comfort Keepers. I go to the houses, apartments, and memory care units that my clients call home and do whatever I can to help them stay where they want to be. Most of the time, a spouse or adult child has been the primary caregiver for that person and my presence is a big change for the family.

These family caregivers love their parents and are doing a wonderful job of providing care-though they often don’t feel like they are! The truth is, caring for another person is a huge job and no one can do it alone. More often than not, I meet a family when they are at a point when everyone in the care partnership is stressed out, tired out, and burned out. My first thought is often, “I wish you had called sooner!” But I have met enough families to know that asking for help is never easy, especially when it involves bringing a stranger into the home.

Asking for someone to come and spend a few hours with your loved one can make a huge impact. One gentleman I worked with was recovering from a major surgery and couldn’t move around very well. His daughter was very involved, but it was difficult for her to spend every night with her father since she worked full-time and had teenaged children at home. Her father and I spent the evenings visiting and listening to the big band music he loved when he was serving in WWII. We struck up a fast friendship and really enjoyed each other’s company. That simple act of spending time together brought so much joy to his life (and mine!) and it gave his daughter time with her own children.

If you are considering bringing in professional in-home care, here are twenty questions to ask to ensure that you are bringing a high-quality caregiver into your home.

http://comfortkeepers.com/office-546/information-center/20-questions-brochure. I have seen first hand how much it helps families to bring in some help, whether that help comes from me, or a neighbor, or a relative. Anyone can scrub the toilet or make the bed, so don’t be afraid to delegate those jobs to someone else. Outside help can bring relief from the day to day jobs of housekeeping, administering medicine, and going to frequent doctor’s appointments. Outside help can provide your loved one with more socialization and opportunities to stay engaged in life. But outside help will never replace the special bond you have with your parents or spouse. However, if you bring in even a little bit of outside help you will most likely find yourself with more time and energy for the activities you and your love one enjoy most.

submitted by: Amy Kirkeide, Comfort Keepers, Blaine, MN

 

 

Share

Related Posts

No Responses

my elderly dad is cared for

I have just moved from New York City to Montreal where my parents and siblings live. I am a 59yo Canadian & have two children 25 & 23yo. It was the perfect time to sell my home & move on. No more border crossings, no more long drives alone.

Now I am living in an apartment in the same building as my sister. I am on the 3rd floor , she is on the 5th. My dad lives in a retirement home 15 minutes away and my mom is still in her condo, 10 minutes from me.

This has been the best decision for my family and me. I feel a GREAT SENSE OF RELIEF being this close to my parents, at this stage of their lives.

For my dad’s & my relationship I am most grateful. I was constantly worried about his health as well as his care. For some time now, with several hospitalizations, I have seen a steady decline in his general well being. Luckily in Canada, the application for & payment of assisted living came without too many complications. His new home is well maintained & I know that his medical needs are being attended to. I could see what a challenge this was all becoming for my mom & her obvious resentment.

The way it is now, I can just drop in & brighten up my dad’s day with a 10-minute, one hour or two hour visit. Whatever we both feel like in that moment is how it works. This is bringing me peace of mind & a sense of joy.

Also, since my dad went to the nursing home, my mom is now living completely alone. I stop by to check in on her & pitch in with her chores. Although she selfishly did not want to be my dad’s caregiver, I think she misses the life they once had.

I am happy to help my three siblings, who have, so far, carried the responsibility of my elderly parents care on their own. I do not feel like this is a burden in any way. I am simply one more pair of hands or another body to be available for whatever comes up. Would love to hear comments from anyone else!

Submitted by Diane in Montreal, Canada

 

Share

Related Posts

3 Responses

is it time for a nursing home?

Dear Smith Family Members:

I would like to bring up Nursing Home care for your parents. The reason being is that your Dad is losing his balance more and more and ended up on the living room floor the other night. After several attempts to get him up ,the caregiver had to call 911 and have paramedics come to assist him. He was not hurt & refused any medical treatment and the rest of the night went well. Every caregiver has expressed concern and relayed stories to me of his “near misses”.

That same morning when I was there, your Mom lost her balance while trying to sit down at the dining table and crashed the chair into the glass hutch. She too was fine, but it did seem to startle her.

My concern is that one of these times one of them is going to really hurt themselves and if they are unable to return to the apartment, where will they go? I think it might be wise to start looking at nursing homes or assisted living facilities. This way there would be time to find one that will accommodate their needs and meets everyone’s approval instead of waiting until something does happen and then be forced to make some decisions within a limited time frame.

There are many things to consider. This process takes time.  Finding out which ones accept Medicare, is there a wait-list, can they be together in the same room? What kind of activities are offered, how much staffing and assistance is available to each resident and raising any other issues that would need to be addressed is critical/crucial.

I would like your feedback on this matter and to know what ideas you all may have.

The last thing I want is for your parents to go into nursing care, but again, there is only so much care and assistance we can provide here in the apartment.

Thank you for reading!

Doris – Family Case Manager

 

 

Share

Related Posts

One Response

random acts of kindness

I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes I walked to the door and knocked.“Just a minute”, answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90′s stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940′s movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.“Would you carry my bag out to the car?” she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, and then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness. “It’s nothing”, I told her.. “I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.”

“Oh, you’re such a good boy”, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, “Could you drive through downtown?” “It’s not the shortest way,” I answered quickly.“Oh, I don’t mind,” she said. “I’m in no hurry. I’m on my way to a hospice”.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. “I don’t have any family left,” she continued in a soft voice.“The doctor says I don’t have very long.” I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

“What route would you like me to take?” I asked. For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. Sometimes she’d ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner & would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, “I’m tired. Let’s go now”. We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home. Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her. I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

“How much do I owe you?” she asked, reaching into her purse.“Nothing,” I said. “You have to make a living,” she answered.“There are other passengers,” I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly. “You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,” she said. “Thank you.” I squeezed her hand and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn’t pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don’t think that I have done anything more important in my life. We’re conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID OR WHAT YOU SAID ~BUT~THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.

It is a great reminder that often it is the random acts of kindness that most benefit all of us. Thank you, my friend…

Share

Related Posts

No Responses