Tag: costs

welcome to girlfriends with aging parents

selfish or self-care? a daughter’s dilemma

I was recently reminded by someone offering some advice on why I was always so exhausted, that I am my parent’s daughter – not their caregiver. I had unconsciously slipped into a role of servitude, running myself ragged between taking them to doctor’s appointments, managing their medications and doing their shopping. Was it that lingering childhood need to prove myself or to assuage some kind of guilt? After much introspection, I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and take action!

My parents are in a retirement home and for an additional $55 a month each, a nurse on the premises will handle the reordering of pills and fill a pill box for each of them weekly, taking over all of the responsibility attached to the nearly 20 different medications they take between the two of them. This enormously time consuming responsibility is now in her hands. I realized that it was one of the best investments that could be made – $110 a month to preserve my sanity, health, marriage and work load. For an extra $30 once a week, I could have someone do their grocery shopping.

The difference? Now I can spend quality time visiting my Dad and Mom. I am much more relaxed, able to enjoy their company and focus on what they are saying. Be kind to yourself and assess who you really want to be. Sometimes help is right in front of you and all you need to do is take advantage of it. Has anyone out there had this problem???

Written by Joyce in Savannah

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holiday madness – family dilemma

Finding a balance over the holidays always seems like a challenge. No matter how many years go by, trying to find a middle line between visits, gifting and holiday meals for “his side” and “her side” sometimes seem to obliterate any feelings of seasonal comfort and joy. His mom is in her mid-80’s, recently widowed and lives in a retirement home in the same city we do. My Mom is in her early 90’s, was widowed over 10 years ago and lives independently in another state. Our grown kids and grandchildren live half way across the country. So who do we spend time with and when, during this month full of family get-togethers? We had his mother over for Thanksgiving and did a phone-in to my Mom, which left me feeling guilty afterwards. We will be with my Mom for Christmas, leaving his mom wishing (very vocally) that the whole family was together. It could be a last holiday season for either or both moms, who are in frail health and unable to fly. Meanwhile, we really would like to see our kids and grandkids, but it is too expensive and far for working parents to fly with little ones. What’s to celebrate? It’s a never ending conundrum and makes one want to hide from November through January! Do you share this issue? Let me know so I feel better, OK? Submitted by Doris in Texas

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ask your financial planner about medicare enrollment

What’s on your calendar for October 15 – December 7, 2012? Halloween & Christmas, sure! Did you remember Medicare Open Enrollment?

Yes, we are now in the annual Open Enrollment period for Medicare. Seniors can switch from Medicare parts A & B (traditional Medicare) to a Medicare Advantage Plan (partC), or go from Medicare Advantage back to a traditional plan. It’s also time to make any changes to the Part D prescription drug plan. Changes will be effective January 1, 2013.

It’s important to make a timely decision. If you’d like more information, I invite you to visit my recent Laird Norton Tyee post here.

Submitted by Susan Talton: a Client Advisor and CFP professional at Norton Laird Tyee, with over 25 years of management experience. Susan enjoys writing about the life transitions that women are very likely to face. She also frequently writes about retirement, a big transition in itself.

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my elderly dad is cared for

I have just moved from New York City to Montreal where my parents and siblings live. I am a 59yo Canadian & have two children 25 & 23yo. It was the perfect time to sell my home & move on. No more border crossings, no more long drives alone.

Now I am living in an apartment in the same building as my sister. I am on the 3rd floor , she is on the 5th. My dad lives in a retirement home 15 minutes away and my mom is still in her condo, 10 minutes from me.

This has been the best decision for my family and me. I feel a GREAT SENSE OF RELIEF being this close to my parents, at this stage of their lives.

For my dad’s & my relationship I am most grateful. I was constantly worried about his health as well as his care. For some time now, with several hospitalizations, I have seen a steady decline in his general well being. Luckily in Canada, the application for & payment of assisted living came without too many complications. His new home is well maintained & I know that his medical needs are being attended to. I could see what a challenge this was all becoming for my mom & her obvious resentment.

The way it is now, I can just drop in & brighten up my dad’s day with a 10-minute, one hour or two hour visit. Whatever we both feel like in that moment is how it works. This is bringing me peace of mind & a sense of joy.

Also, since my dad went to the nursing home, my mom is now living completely alone. I stop by to check in on her & pitch in with her chores. Although she selfishly did not want to be my dad’s caregiver, I think she misses the life they once had.

I am happy to help my three siblings, who have, so far, carried the responsibility of my elderly parents care on their own. I do not feel like this is a burden in any way. I am simply one more pair of hands or another body to be available for whatever comes up. Would love to hear comments from anyone else!

Submitted by Diane in Montreal, Canada

 

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what kind of old age will you have?

Many of us look forward to spending retirement expanding our world — traveling, trying what we never had time to do, taking classes that give us new knowledge and skills. These activities are not only desirable in themselves; they help us to live longer and healthier lives.

But they are not within everyone’s reach. Absent money and a sense of possibilities, retirement can become more time to fill with television. “We see people without money, who had very hard lives, who are not aware of their own potential,” said Maureen Kellen-Taylor, the chief operating officer of EngAGE ,a program in the Los Angeles area that provides arts and other classes for some 5,000 people — the vast majority of them low-income — living in senior apartment communities. “They just had to get through life, taking care of things, and the idea of following a dream was not on their radar screens.”

That’s why the Burbank Senior Artists Colony is remarkable. Opened in 2005, it is a mix of market-rate and low-income apartments. The building looks like an upscale hotel but is built for the arts, with studios, a video editing room, a theater and classrooms. 

Residents may arrive with no previous artistic experience or skill as an artist — but artists they become. The theater group that Sally Connors participates in is working with a troupe in London, via Skype, to write and perform a soap opera. Walter Hurlburt shows his oil paintings — for sale — at the colony’s periodic art exhibitions. Residents work with students from a nearby alternative high school to do Improv Theater, make films and create art from recycled items.

The Burbank colony is the showpiece of EngAGE, an organization started in 1997 by Tim Carpenter. He was working for a health care company that built primary care centers for senior citizens when he met John Huskey, a Los Angeles developer of affordable housing. Carpenter and Huskey began to talk about how to combine what each of them was doing. They had originally contemplated establishing acute-care health centers in senior apartment buildings, but now had a different idea. “We live in a society that’s very acute-care based — we wait till someone’s sick,” Carpenter said. “We decided to try to get people to take on healthy behaviors without having to go to the doctor.”

EngAGE now brings arts training, wellness programs and computer and classes to 27 senior apartment buildings in the Los Angeles area, and will add another eight over the next year, including two — in North Hollywood and Long Beach — that, like Burbank, will be designed for the arts. The NoHo Senior Artists Colony will open in October with a 77-seat professional theater in the lobby. Burbank and the Piedmont Senior Apartments in North Hollywood have a mix of market rate and subsidized apartments, but the other 25 are all for low-income seniors. Most of the residents are living on less than $15,000 a year. They pay $400 to $800 a month for a one- or two-bedroom apartment.

 

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do you have enough to retire? – rave

When looking at life for the over-50 boomer generation, take a hard look at the kind of lifestyle you would like and how you will afford it.

In a May 22nd, 2012 article in the Huffington Post blog, Martha Nelson writes about “Retirements ‘Golden Trinity’; Health, Lifestyle, Budget”.

She points out that once one part of “the trinity” goes awry, it can have a devastating effect on the rest of the trio. Your health is a deal breaker. Without it, everything else has very little meaning. Also, with rising care costs, unless you have provided for some type of health care and/or disability insurance, it can totally ravage your savings.

Speaking of finances, with devastated investment portfolios & the global market collapse, Nelson says, “even conscientious retirement savers find themselves knee-deep in mud, trying to stretch the corpus of money to add to social security checks as they look forward to the prospect of a long life”. If you haven’t saved funds for retirement or have lost what you set aside, as millions have, you will need to make careful lifestyle choices.

Simplicity may be the keyword for lifestyle. For some retirement in a gated golf course community may be out of the question. Instead, a condo or small home may be a better option. Some are even looking at co-housing choices.

It’s hard to imagine what will happen to those who, for all the reasons life can hand us, have not solidified what life will look like as they age. Certainly these three issues which make up “The Golden Trinity” are worth your consideration. CAUTION: DON’T BE ONE OF THOSE UNPREPARED BOOMERS? Think ahead, plan now. Share your thoughts &/or your concerns!

 

 

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dilemma over handling the dollars

My parents can no longer handle their finances, so my husband and I have stepped in to help out. They are in their mid-80’s and reside in a retirement home in a semi-assisted living arrangement. Their cost of living averages about $90,000 a year including medical and other incidentals. Much of their money was in CD’s as they wanted something low risk.

The question that arises is CD’s versus Money Market accounts? Interest right now is minimal. Here’s how we understand it. With a CD you are committing your funds for a time period of 30 days to 10 years. The longer your money is in, the higher your interest rate will be. Money Market accounts are similar to savings accounts but usually pay higher interest. The minimum balance is greater and you are limited to 3 to 6 withdrawals per month.

We want to make a responsible choice and are leaning towards CD’s as they seem to be so much easier to oversee. Would love to have some feedback on what others in our situation are doing.

 

 

 

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where to move my elder parents?

It feels like an appropriate time to consider moving my mom & dad from their apartment. My parents are in there late 80’s & currently have wonderful care at home. However, the other night, my dad lost his balance & ended up on the living room floor. The caregiver could not get him up, after several attempts, so they called 911 & the paramedics came to assist him. Dad was not hurt & refused any medical treatment. This was a near miss and not the first time Dad has fallen (nor will it be the last).

My mom is not so stable either. I am thinking about looking at assisted living or a nursing home, one that will accommodate their needs & meet our approval before either of them seriously hurts themselves.

Questions I have thought about are: which ones accept Medicare, is there a waitlist, can my parents be together in the same room? Also, what activities are offered, how much staffing & assistance is available to residents.

Can anyone chime in…… I want to make a good decision for my parents & help them transition to a new home……I am not sure how to accomplish this.

 

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The Complete Guide to Managing Your Parents’ Finances When They Cannot (Paperback)

The Complete Guide to Managing Your Parents’ Finances When They Cannot:What happens when handling the finances becomes an overwhelming burden for aging parents? Many transfer their funds to children or other family members and multi-millions are lost each year in the ensuing confusion. If you find that you are the one taking on financial responsibility, we suggest taking a look at Bill Swan’s “The Complete Guide to Managing Your Parents’ Finances When They Cannot: A Step-by-Step Plan to Protect Their Assets, Limit Taxes, and Ensure Their Wishes Are Fulfilled. Available through Amazon (copyright 2010), it really is an organized “how to” with chapters to guide you through the basics of money management, discussing money issues with your parents, how to deal with the stress of financial care-giving, and financial and legal procedures. From medical bills to taxes, wills, trusts and burials, the book walks you through each in well explained yet easy to understand terms. It also includes worksheets to get you started. A truly valuable resource guide.

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caregiver takes Dad swimming

He’s 91. Mom’s 92. They have to have 24-hour care now, though they live at an independent living facility. (With 2 of them it’s cheaper than a nursing home, but their money will run out in two years, regardless.) Last weekend their caregiver suggested Dad go swimming. His eyes lit up! He can barely stumble from chair to bed with his walker but he spent 30 minutes in the pool walking back and forth. It must have felt like such freedom! I hope he can do it regularly, though it will take two people to help him in and out of the pool.

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