Tag: elderly person

welcome to girlfriends with aging parents

senior driving: when is it time to stop?

As a child of aging parents we ask ourselves this very question. As a Certified Driver Examiner in the province of Ontario, I know when it’s time. Unfortunately senior don’t either.

In this province, every driver has to go for a written and vision test when they reach the age of 80, and every 2 years after. These folks got their drivers license before Driver Education classes began and there were not so many vehicles on the road.

My father (aged 87) told me he did his drivers test, landed on someone’s front lawn and the examiner jumped out of the car and threw the license at him saying “You passed”.

If someone is involved in a car accident (whether they caused it or not) at age 65 or over, they automatically have to go for a road test, which is a regulation.

In this province, the only one that can suspend a driver’s license for medial reasons is a doctor. It’s the law. When the family speaks to a senior’s doctor regarding concerns for unsafe driving, the doctor has to put the license under medical suspension. The file then goes to Medical Review at the Ministry of Transportation. The suspended driver has to prove they are competent to drive and the process begins. They have up to 3 years to take driving test to regain their license and have to see a doctor to establish that they are healthy enough to drive. Every province and state should adopt the same rules, as we frequently travel to each others country.

If you find yourself in the position of caring for your elderly parents, get some support.

Continue on with YOUR life, do the things that make you happy. Go to the movies; enjoy watching and participating in sporting events that you love. Perhaps get counseling. I did, it really helped. It helped me deal with their aging brains and not get upset at the weird things they said to me.

Seniors don’t realize their senses have diminished; their reaction time has lessened. It’s a known fact that seniors can suffer mini strokes while driving, usually lasting for only second, but that’s all it takes – right?

Once a senior has failed a driving test, the family usually becomes unhappy because they realize now they have to drive the senior around to appointments. But as a caring society, we have to stop being selfish – we can’t have unsafe drivers on the road.

I know the Cancer Society will arrange for transportation if a person is undergoing treatment. In my town the mobile bus (for people with disabilities) will come directly to the house to pick you up if you call before and arrange a time. There are options. If you inquire you can find assistance in your town.

Also, try to pace yourself and get support, from us, from other family members, from neighbors. It will all work out and you will be blessed for your efforts.

Submitted by Carol

 

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mindful caregiving

Hurry, hurry, rush, rush seems to be the mantra of modern life. We are constantly rushing to work, to pick the kids up from school, to get dinner on the table; all with the incessant chorus of cell phones beeping and buzzing, demanding our attention. When a loved-one experiences an accident or experiences a major-medical problem, it is as if life is throwing a giant stop sign in our paths. But we don’t know how to slow down, much less stop.

Whether we are caring for an elderly parent with dementia or a spouse recovering from a heart attack, it can be hard to force our busy minds to match the new, slow pace at which our loved ones move. The endless hours spent caregiving are so easily filled with worry and rumination. The practice of mindfulness- learning to live in the moment- can help us savor our time with our loved ones. Research shows that the happiest people on Earth practice mindfulness. Luckily, you don’t have to be a Buddhist monk or buy special equipment to learn this practice. The whole point is to tune in to the here and now. The Art of Now: Six Steps to Living in the Moment by Jay Dixit describes both the benefits of mindfulness and ways to get started much better than I am able to. http://bit.ly/Zfvnc6

Early on in my career as a caregiver, I discovered that mindfulness made my shifts seem to flow by quickly. The practice helped me capture the most joyful moments with my clients. One elderly woman I cared for had such cold hands, we spent many evenings holding hands on her couch. Rather than counting the minutes as they ticked by, I learned to enjoy the moment. I studied our hands clasped together; my young, plump hand entangled with her slender fingers, decorated with a blue web of veins. I noticed her skin gradually warm up. Just as discussed in the above link, I truly savored those moments with my client. We both found such peace in each other’s company.

I believe the practice of mindfulness makes me a much better caregiver. By focusing on the here and now, I notice things such as a pin in the carpeting or a throw rug’s upturned corner that would be easily overlooked if I were mindlessly worrying about something else. Observing my surroundings helps me keep my clients out of harm’s way. Applying that same power of observation to a client helps me detect changes in their health more quickly. Observant caregivers can spot the malaise that comes before a urinary tract infection or a bout of the flu. When working with people with dementia, noticing those little warning signs that precede an outburst helps keep things from getting out of hand. Learning to live in the moment takes practice and time to master, but the rewards are well worth the effort. With time, it becomes effortless.

~Amy Kirkeide, Comfort Keepers

 

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how to have “the talk” – my mother’s worries

My grandmother suddenly lost her partner last April and didn’t want to live alone in their traditional apartment. My parents offered to take her in to their home and have admitted to my sister and me that they didn’t put a lot of thought into it before asking her. They did tell her however, that while they are away four months of the year wintering in Texas, that she would have to go stay with her other daughter in town, my aunt. My aunt can be difficult and that only lasted for one month before my grandmother insisted on coming back to my parents house. She said she is not going back there next year. This year it worked out okay because my sister and her husband are temporarily staying at my parents house for the next two months while they are away and can look after my grandmother. Next year will be a problem. My mother worries about her and doesn’t want her staying in the house alone. My grandmother says she will be fine!

One of the greatest joys for my parents is going to Texas for the winter. My grandmother used to join them occasionally but says now that she doesn’t want to be that far from her doctor. My mom would really like for my grandmother to look into the retirement home a mile and a half from their home but doesn’t know how to bring it up. She is in reasonably good health and my mom feels that having activities to do will keep her younger. My grandmother doesn’t want any part of it. Meanwhile, my parents have rearranged many aspects of their live for her. My dad pretty much lives in his bedroom but wouldn’t dream of hurting my grandmothers feelings by asking her to leave. I am from the polite family, so there is a lot of silent suffering going on! My mom wants to start a conversation with my grandmother about checking out the retirement place but doesn’t know how to go about it. I am looking for advice from people who have been in this situation to know what to and not to say. I should mention that while I love my grandmother very much, she has been spoiled all her life and everyone always caters to her. How can I help my mom find the courage and words to make this a win win for everyone.

Thank you in advance for any words of wisdom. Submitted by Mechelle

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my once independent mom … gone

I’m just beginning this journey of caring for my elderly mom, my stepfather passed in August. My once independent, I-can-do-anything mom has been reduced to an emotional wreck, unable to make rational decisions for herself. She is making choices for herself that put her health and well-being at risk, and gets VERY upset with me when I try to point out these risks.

My family has moved into mom’s house so I can care for her, and that has been a huge and difficult transition for everyone. Mom now argues with my 8 year old daughter, as if they are BOTH children. And my daughter asks me why grandma is acting so “crazy.” I have very little patience for mom these days, and feel guilty about that. This is only the beginning, and I resent everything about it!!! PLEASE tell me I am NOT THE ONLY ONE feeling this way!  What is anybody else doing?

 

 

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elderly loved one & holiday gifts

What do you give an elderly parent, relative or friend for the holidays? Gift giving is always a challenge, no matter what the age, but especially for those who have downsized, are in a nursing facility, can no longer enjoy favorite hobbies or have restrictions. My mother has vision problems so I will be shopping for books on tape, a large wall clock, a talking alarm clock and a recorded pill reminder. Another idea was a cd player and some discs of her favorite music. I recently bought her a very simple television remote with extra large numbers and am on the hunt for a voice calendar which I read about (you can record your daily reminders). My husband’s mother is hard of hearing so we will go looking for large print novels and crossword books, a phone that flashes instead of rings and a gift card for the manicures she loves. An aunt is in a nursing home, so in addition to a new robe and slippers, she will get a board game. Our uncles will get wireless home weather stations and/or a back track keychain which will help them find their way back to their cars. Last but certainly not least, are gifts of the heart such as a framed family photo. The best gift we ever gave was a Ceiva Digital Photo Frame which allowed children, grandchildren and friends to send photos via their computers and provided an ever changing montage of people. Anyone out there with a different idea??? Written by Jackie in Tennessee

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aging in place

What will it take for  Americans to age successfully in place? A new book called “Independent for Life: Homes & Neighborhoods for an Aging America” has just been released. It has been authored by over a dozen aging experts & co-edited by the former head of HUD, Henry Cisneros.

With the growing number of baby boomers retiring, the question of aging in place becomes an important one. Policy makers are being urged to make communities & homes accessible so that elders can stay in place longer. Age related home improvement packages could feature such items as installing ramps, raising toilet height & lowering sink levels. Accessorizing neighborhoods might include making transportation available for seniors who can no longer drive. This allows for independence for elders to get to doctors appointments as well as run errands such as grocery shop & picking up prescriptions.

The article sheds light on a future we all should be thinking about! Submitted by Sara in Seattle

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/realestate/2018990649_realestateaginghousingxml.html

 

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elder law

On October 15, 2010, the Elder Law section of the Washington State Bar Association presented an award to Representative Jeannie Darneille (D) of the 27th District for her work to enact legislation to establish the Office of Public Guardianship.  The mission of the Office is to make guardianship services available to individuals who need them and are alone (without family members or friends to serve as volunteers) and poor (without the means to pay for needed services).  Many of these individuals are elderly and need a surrogate decision maker.  A guardian is appointed by the court to make either personal or financial decisions.

 

If you are a care-giver, you should be aware of The Elder Law section.  It focuses on legal issues that are pertinent to elders – including retirement issues, estate planning, powers of attorney, guardianship and other forms of substitute decision making, to private and long-term care, health care financing and elder abuse.  Go to www.wsba.org for more information or to find an Elder Law attorney through the public resources directory.

 

 

 

 

 

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a must have …. sense of humor …

SENIOR CITIZEN JOKE :

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”

Her neighbor asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The little silver haired lady says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.”

Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

“First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”

He takes her hand and says, “Secondly, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then,” he said with a deep sigh ………..

“Let’s put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.”

 

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be aware of sudden behavioral changes in the elderly

ALERT – the symptoms of urinary tract infections in seniors can be totally different than those of younger sufferers. Most of us have experienced the painful burning and pain that occurs when we get a bladder infection. As we age, the body’s response changes. Rather than discomfort, the elderly may become confused, hallucinate, dizzy or exhibit other sudden behavior changes. Even more disturbing – untreated infections could eventually lead to kidney failure or life-threatening blood infection.

Be sure to remind your parents or other older loved ones to drink lots of fluids and include cranberry juice or tablets in their diet (unless they are subject to kidney stones). Be specific about the amount they need, as my mother, who ended up hospitalized for dehydration, thinks a cup of tea twice a day is plenty of liquid. I had to explain that we were talking about a minimum of two quarts and actually gave her an empty half gallon container so she could visualize or measure the correct amount. Also, a gentle reminder of basic hygienic measures, such as wiping from front to back, may be in order.

The elderly, particularly those 80 years old and over, are much more susceptible to these types of infections. Women have a much higher percentage rate than men. Be aware of the symptoms and risks.

 

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mom’s clothes go MIA

My mother, who is in her late 70’s and lives in an elder care facility, recently fell and broke her hip. After surgery, she was moved to a nursing home to recover, which appeared to be a lovely facility. As it had both a recovery unit and independent living quarters, I even thought that this might be a great place for her to live after she was fully mobile again.

When I went to visit her this weekend, I was beyond shocked when I entered her room and found her only clothed in a pair of Depends and a hospital gown. When I asked her why she didn’t have her clothing on, she kept insisting that she didn’t have any. I reminded her that I had just bought her some comfortable new jeans and tops which were right in the closet in the room. After arguing back and forth, I flung open the closet door only to find that it was empty!

It took me a few moments to regain my composure and start to consider where these garments could have disappeared to. When I confronted an employee, I couldn’t seem to get a straight answer. After much questioning, as I got more and more insistent, he said that her clothing was being laundered. ALL of it I asked? And what was she supposed to wear meanwhile? Oh, they would clothe her in a hospital gown, he replied. What about when she goes to the dining room to eat? He replied that they would put a second gown over the first, reversing it so her backside would also be covered. To say I was appalled and angry didn’t even begin to cover it. He suggested that I visit one of the social workers to see if her clothes could be tracked down and even tried to place the blame on my shoulders, saying that I should have marked each item of clothing with her name in a permanent marker – something that was never brought up to me by the staff.

While I had heard that personal items may “disappear” in some care facilities, I had never imagined anything like this. Now I will have to go out and purchase new clothing, and, of course, will insist that I will pick up and launder her clothes. Meanwhile, if these items never show up again, shouldn’t the facility have to reimburse us? Who takes responsibility? I work full time and my brothers live out-of-state, so I am the one handling all of this. While making arrangements for my mom after her fall have been very stressful, now I will have to police her possessions and run back and forth doing laundry. Finding a different facility would be difficult and moving her again would be traumatic for her. Has anyone put their parent into a retirement facility & had this happen? WHAT DID YOU DO?

 

 

 

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