Tag: tearful moments

welcome to girlfriends with aging parents

friends are good for your health!

November 22, 2012

Why do I have a variety of friends who are all so different in character? How can I get along with them all? I think that each one helps me in a different way!

With one of them I am polite. I joke with another friend. I sit down and talk about serious matters with one. With another I laugh a lot. I may have a drink with one. I listen to one friend’s problems. Then I listen to another one’s advice for me.

My friends are all like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. When completed, they form a treasure box. A treasure of friends! They are my friends who understand me better than myself, who support me through good days and bad days. We all pray together and for each other.

Real Age doctors tell us that friends are good for our health. Dr. Oz calls them Vitamins F (for Friends) and counts the benefits of friends as essential to our well being. Research shows that people in strong social circles have less risk of depression and terminal strokes. If you enjoy Vitamins F constantly you can be up to 30 years younger than your real age. The warmth of friendship stops stress and even in your most intense moments it decreases the chance of a cardiac arrest or stroke by 50%.

I’m so happy that I have a stock of Vitamins F!

In summary, we should value our friends and keep in touch with them. We should try to see the funny side of things and laugh together, and pray for each other in the tough moments.

Thank you for being one of my Vitamins! What do you think?

 

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dealing with a death wish

June 27, 2012

I just want to cry! My parents, who are in their 80’s and live in a retirement home, have just given up on life. They are convinced that the two of them are going to die imminently. Mom is constantly in pain from reoccurring osteoporosis fractures and Dad has a faltering memory, relies heavily on a cane to walk, and arthritis makes it difficult for him to insert his hearing aids. Their fatalistic attitude has made them reclusive. Dad and Mom only leave their apartment to go down to the community dining room for dinner.

As their daughter and only child, it destroys me emotionally to see them like this. In my mind I reason that this is severe depression but in my heart, I am in a panic. When I visit them twice a week, their death is always part of the conversation and nothing I say seems to have any effect on how they feel. Dad and Mom have said that they are not planning to end their own lives, but feel they only have months left as they “are on a downhill decline that will only end one way.” Every new ache or pain is seen as a “sign” of impending doom.

What can I do? They won’t talk to a social worker, avoid family get-togethers and go into a complete panic if apart for even a few minutes. I can’t bear to watch them just sit there and wait to die. These were two active, intelligent people who traveled the world in retirement, read and kept up on world affairs. Now they sit in their living room all day doing little except for watching Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. I desperately want to “save” the people I love, but does one just accept their parent’s mindset or fight to keep them alive? What do you think, what can I do? written by Jane in Texas

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Mom diagnosed with Alzheimer’s

August 3, 2011

I have just finished watching the movie, “A Time to Remember”. It is the story of a struggling artist & single mom, Britt Calhoun, (Dana Delany) who returns home for Thanksgiving to face her wealthy mother, Maggie (Doris Roberts) and the troubled history they share. Britt gets more than she bargained for when a dramatic secret comes to light about her mother’s health. This touching movie sensitively explores the power of family ties. Some lines from the movie follow -

Britt: “Mom, I know. Aunt Billy told me. We will get through this”. Aunt Billy: “Britt, you are already helping. You came home!”

Britt: “Mom, I am glad that I came home. I love you & I want to help you. You need to let me help you.” Maggie: “Children aren’t suppose to take care of their parents. I’m afraid! I have no control over this & one of these days I won’t even know who you are.” Britt: |”Just know that I love you.”

Britt gives her Mom a photo album, carefully compiled by her & says, “now you can find the past whenever you need to”.

Maggie says to those gathered at the Thanksgiving dinner table, “with family we have the capacity to forgive & be forgiven as in no other place in life. Time & memory are so fleeting. We must savor every moment because it could slip away without our noticing it. Here’s a toast to my family!”

please chime in if you have seen this or are dealing with a similar situation…

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after death, grieving

May 4, 2011

Buster Posey-Giants

Here it is November 1st and my mother has been dead now for six weeks. A short time. especially when compared to my dad, dead now 40 years this month. He died even before the World Trade Towers went up, so he never had to witness the horror of them coming down. His soul is surely at peace by now – I feel no rustlings from him any more. But my poor little mom! Though old, she had some things to do on her list when the intestinal infection took her by surprise. By the time she was hospitalized, it was too late to save her.

So how to remember her and honor her on this Halloween, All Souls Day, Day of the Dead? My siblings and I have been celebrating our mom’s memory by watching and cheering for the Giants with double intensity!  The last game Mom and I watched together was in the hospital – the game when the Giants beat the Dodgers to take first place for the first time. It was five days before her dying and by then she couldn’t speak  but her eyebrows went way up and she mouthed the “Woo Hoo!” cheer silently. Buster Posey had just become her new heartthrob, replacing the languishing Tiger Woods. She’d look him up on the internet, marveling at his youthful looks and impressive stats.

Willing or fighting or accepting, I don’t which, Mom faded away at least knowing her team was headed for the post season, possibly the World Series, but also knowing she couldn’t follow along with them in this world.

During the series with the Braves and then the Phillies, my two sisters, brother and I have been steadfastly cheering ‘for Mom’. Texting wildly after the tortuous and spectacular wins. And of course, we goggled at the World Series games ‘for Mom’. But I’m the lucky one who watched with Mom. She’s ensconced inside her green soup tureen, in her Aftican basket tote, wearing her Giants cap. And I know it bounced when Wilson struck out the last Texas batter.

I admit the joy of winning lead to some tearful moments after the hoopla, thinking how she missed the grand finale and how much I miss her. Some have speculated, however, that it was she who helped her team along from wherever powerful place she now resides. Perhaps it’s a Day of the Not-So-Dead.

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